"I Have Had Enough"...

Photo credit: howtotellyourstory.wordpress.com

Have you ever taken a moment and asked yourself "what's my story?" Everyone has a story, and each one of those stories is unique. Even your story!

​Here at For 3 Sisters, I've been privileged to hear the stories of many women who have been affected by breast cancer; though breast cancer is where is the similarities end. Each story is different. Each story inspires in its own way. 

This past week, I read a story that moved me to tears. I'm not sure if calling it a story does it justice --- it's more like art --- in word form. It's beautiful. It's heart wrenching. It's powerful. 

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I started working with Denise earlier this month after she came to us looking for help to stop her eviction. Denise was diagnosed with breast cancer a few days after Christmas and her job let her go not long after they learned of her diagnosis. 

Denise is a veteran of the U.S. Army. She was deployed to Iraq during Operation Desert Storm/Shield. She is strong willed, organized, and just as pleasant as you'd want anyone to be. She's simply delightful. But all the pleasantry and delight in the world didn't change the fact we were working against the clock. We were running out of time.

In my efforts to secure funds to stop Denise's eviction, I needed her to write a personal statement for me. I ask this of all the women I work with. Some programs/organization to whom we apply ask for a story or statement about how breast cancer has affected their life.  You'd a thought I was asking Denise for a billion dollars in cash. She struggled. She couldn't. She couldn't find the words --- she wasn't even sure she wanted to find the words --- it would mean looking backwards when everything in her was willing herself to look forward. 

And then she saw Mimi's testimony. Mimi, another woman in our program, spoke at our appreciation event last year. We caught it on video and shared it on our website and social media. Denise was on our Facebook page and heard Mimi's story. And she was inspired. Because of Mimi's story, Denise was able to put her own story to paper in a way unlike anything I've read before. 

Dear Breast Cancer;

Here it is I am the third-generation Breast Cancer victim. You took my Grandmother before she or I had a chance to even lay eyes on one another. Then you took my mother in her prime and I a tinder age of 5. Leaving me with an Alcoholic father to raise me. No hugs and kisses before bed. No fond memories of going to playground with Mommy and Daddy. Crying my eyes out until my father would beat me for making so much noise. All because I missed my Mommy.

Have I not been through enough?

Having 9 uncles was great, just more homes to be shuffled back and forth to. I didn’t know it at the time but it was not a childhood for a female child. One Saturday evening my father’s drunk friend decided I was ripe for the picking. I was only 14. He entered the kitchen while I was preparing fish dinners for my father’s card game. Didn’t anybody tell this fool it’s not a good idea to mess with a woman in the kitchen. He grabs my butt and with all my might I pounded his head with a cast iron skillet. Again, my father beat me for hitting his friend. Being an only child, it left no one on my side.

Have I not been through enough?

High school is rough for anybody, but growing up in Brooklyn made it harder. I was an excellent student. All A’s, honor roll… you would think my father would have been proud of me. Instead I was called out of name and insulted in more ways that I care to share. So, by senior year I stop caring too. I finally gave in the influence of the streets.
Running away, hanging out, drugs, men and alcohol. I didn’t even bother to go to school anymore. Anything to keep me out of the house. Somehow someone got through and Ifollowed my friends to California. Make a new start.

Have I not been through enough?

I enrolled in college, found a job…yes completed High School. Meet and married what I thought was the man of my dreams. But it wasn’t long before you followed me there. It was 2 years into the relationship I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I though yes this is it. Then I gave birth to my second son. I felt on top of the world. I had survived you. Living in Cali, with my own family. How short lived it was, 9 months after the birth of my second son he died. We tried to pull through, but between the fights and arguments we managed to make one more son, by the time he was 2 years old. We throw in the towel and I was now a single mother.

Have I not been through enough?

In order to take care of a family of three, I joined the army… it wasn’t to be all I could be. I had to fight for my children. Make a home for them. I didn’t get to enjoy motherhood as I once had. The children now were being sent to family while I got orders to different duty stations. Somewhere in there my entire support system crumbled. Grandparents dying, then my father pasting away. All before I was 30 years old. I married my second husband just to have someone to watch my children while Uncle Sam sent me wherever. I never thought I would ever have to go to war. But I was determined I wasn’t coming home in a body bag. Only to come home to find out my husband had turned into a crack addict. Everything I worked so hard for was all gone.

Have I not been through enough?

Ok now it’s on. Put my pride back in my pocket, and rolled up my sleeves. Got rid of the addict husband, got my kids through college, even found time to get some decent training outside of the military. Although it wasn’t my college degree. I managed to find a decent job, a safe home and started to live again. Then the one and only person who
has always been there for me you took her too. My best friend. Now I am all alone. Does this make you happy, does this make you feel like you won?

Have I not been through enough?

I am so numb, I don’t feel anymore. All I can do is hold on to my children. Here I stayed for 8 years. I was a high function zombie. Went to work, home. Repeat. After teasing a co-worker about me traveling with her home to Africa. She took me up on it. I spent New Year’s 2002 in the motherland. It was truly a healing. It reminded me of a struggle my ancestors endured. It showed me my strengths. It took away my fears. I also meet my future husband. Which wasn’t bad at all. Just what the doctor ordered.

I have had enough!

After 15 years of marriage, two sons that went on to make their mother proud. Now two beautiful grandchildren. I am feeling invincible again. My direction clear, I enroll back in college after many moons. Honor student with a 4.0, husband by my side. Life is looking like it’s on my side for once. Then I get the news, my mammogram needs to be
repeated. At first I think, somebody screwed up. I just had my annual breast checkup from my GYN. Neither she or I detected anything. No big deal go in to repeat the mammogram. A few days later I get the results. I need to come in for a biopsy. Since its so close to Christmas, one more week won’t hurt. I am in denial. On 12/28/16 I was
informed that it was Breast Cancer. I had the testing for the BRCA gene. Consulted with an Oncologist, General Surgeon, plastic surgeon, Radiologist and a nurse coordinator. All in the same day. Before I left that day, I was handed a booklet. That said welcome, the rest was a blur. I came home and just sat for hours trying to make sense of it all. Then I got angry. Why me? What the hell did I ever do? When do I get my turn?

I have had enough!

It’s been three weeks since my bilateral Mastectomy. I know I still have a long way to go before I can get back some sort of normalicy, but it will come. My family has rallied around me. Its brought me and my husband even closer. It’s made my mission here on earth clear. When people tell, me I will pull through this, I look at them and say “why are
you worried I am not”. I know this is all about my spiritual journey. Is in God’s hands, he told me he has my back. I know it won’t be easy but all I have been through in my life prepared me for this. Because of this, one tear has dropped. When I am done with this lesson, I hope to help others through. Mostly it’s to get others to say,

I have had enough!

Denise Greene-Wood

Tell your story. You never know who is listening.